on why I stay home.

This past weekend in the New York Times Magazine, the cover story (The Opt-Out Generation Wants Back In) really struck a chord. If you haven't seen it, here's a quick summary: it's all about moms in highly successful careers -- usually about 8-10 years further along than where I (and a lot of my friends) were in our own careers when we "opted out"-- and how after choosing to stay at home with their kids, they now regret the decision and would like to return to work for various reasons. Many are having trouble finding meaningful employment in an economic downturn. Added to that, after staying home with their kids, many have found their priorities on what they are looking for in a career have changed, making it even harder to find desirable and lucrative employment. 

While the immediate takeaway from the article is that these women feel that they should have never chosen to become stay at home moms, the larger takeaway builds on Sheryl Sandberg's message in her book Lean In: that this country needs political and cultural changes in the way we view and reward success at work, to make it easier for women to simultaneously have both a family life and the ability to advance in their careers. 

I've listened to the arguments, and I agree with a lot of the points that are being made: 1) Successful women should not opt-out because they are in a key position to make cultural changes in the workplace that will open the door for family friendly policies for women in the future. 2) The argument that daycare costs would equal or negate the woman's salary at the time she opts-out is not forward-thinking -- it needs to be viewed as a long term cost. The long-term effect of leaving the workplace for only a few years will cause a woman to forevermore make less than had she stayed in the workplace permanently. 3) Children with two working parents, particularly girls, tend to have better self esteem than children with one working parent. 

I hear it all. I understand it. I get it. And still, all I can think is, life is short.

Don't get me wrong. A having-my-cake-and-eating-it-too solution would be ideal. But I am not willing to miss out on this special time in my life so that future generations might benefit. Call it selfish. But it's my one and only life. My babies are babies today, and in the blink of an eye, they wont be. Already, my first baby is getting ready to board the bus and ride off to his first day of kindergarten. And while I may not always be the most patient mom; while I don't always know what to do; and I definitely have my flaws; there is one thing I know for certain: that no one loves them and wants to take care of them the way I want to. And though they may thrive just as well if I were working, and my career is definitely in worse shape, for me, being home is the right choice because knowing myself, not being here would be the greatest regret I could ever have.

Yesterday, I was at Target with Henry. I was in the parking lot taking him out of the cart when an older man called out to me. "I wish I had a camera," he said. "If you could have seen the look on your face when you were playing with that baby. Pure happiness." I thanked him. And I thought about how much I love these babies. And as tired as I am. As exhausted as I look, and as hard as it is, I still love them so much and I love being with them. I couldn't imagine missing out on it for a minute.

I feel extremely blessed that I have a husband that can provide for our entire family so that I can stay home and enjoy this special time with these wonderful babies. For many, this is not an option. And I do not know what the future holds for any of us -- how long we will be here or how successful we will be financially or otherwise. I am certain that life will be hard at times and easier at others. But I will forevermore have this time to look back on. And I will do so without regret because, to me, this time is priceless.